Artificial Intelligence turns NFL teams into superheroes and tells us who should win
I’m no good at picking winners when it comes to the NFL. It turns out, A.I. like ‘ChatGPT’ doesn’t get into gambling either. There must be rules out there that stop artificial intelligence from suggesting who might win in a sports contest and what the score may end up being. Makes sense.
I found a workaround though. I’ll ask my computer to turn each sports team into a superhero and then give me the details on how a hypothetical fight might play out between each team.
Prompt Entered: “Turn the (insert NFL team) into a superhero.”
Prompt Entered: “Who would win in a fight between (insert NFL team) vs. (insert other NFL team)?”
Response Given: Scroll through the week 7 matchups and see for yourself who Artificial Intelligence gives the edge to. Don’t use these results for any actual bets placed. And if you do, and you win, Venmo me.
Jacksonville Jaguars at the New Orleans Saints
ChatGPT Says: “In a literal physical confrontation between a human being, even a saint, and a jaguar, the jaguar would almost certainly win. Jaguars are powerful wild animals known for their strength, agility, and hunting skills. They have strong jaws and sharp claws, which they use to efficiently take down their prey.
Saints, on the other hand, are religious figures and do not possess superhuman physical abilities. While they may be revered for their spirituality and moral teachings, they are not equipped to engage in physical combat with a wild animal like a jaguar.”
Detroit Lions at the Baltimore Ravens
ChatGPT Says: “In a physical confrontation between a lion and a raven, the lion would undoubtedly win. Lions are powerful apex predators with sharp claws, strong jaws, and superior strength. They are top-tier carnivores and skilled hunters, capable of taking down large prey to sustain themselves.
Ravens, on the other hand, are highly intelligent birds known for their problem-solving abilities and complex behaviors. While ravens are clever, they do not possess the physical attributes to compete with a lion in a fight. In nature, these two animals would not typically engage in direct combat, as they inhabit different ecological niches.”
Las Vegas Raiders at the Chicago Bears
ChatGPT Says: “Bears are powerful and strong animals, with sharp claws and powerful jaws. Grizzly bears, for example, are known for their aggressive nature and immense strength. If a group of pirates were to confront a bear without proper weapons or strategy, the bear would likely have the advantage. Bears have been known to defend themselves effectively against threats.
However, pirates, being human, have intelligence, the ability to strategize, and access to various weapons. If the pirates were well-armed and coordinated, they could potentially fend off a bear, although it would still be a dangerous and challenging encounter. Pirates might use firearms, swords, or other weapons at their disposal to protect themselves, but even then, it would be risky to engage a bear directly.”
Winner: Raiders, if enough show up.
Cleveland Browns at the Indianapolis Colts
ChatGPT Says: “In a hypothetical physical confrontation between an elf (a mythical creature typically depicted as an elegant and skilled humanoid being) and a colt (a young horse), it is important to consider the physical attributes and abilities of each.
Elves, as mythical beings, are often portrayed as agile, intelligent, and skilled in archery and magic. They are fictional creatures and their abilities can vary widely depending on the fantasy setting.
A colt, on the other hand, is a young horse. While horses are strong and fast, a colt is still a juvenile and would not possess the size, strength, or experience of a fully grown horse.
Given these factors, if we assume that the elf has magical or combat abilities typical of fantasy settings, it is likely that the elf would have an advantage in a confrontation with a colt. The elf’s intelligence, agility, and potential magical powers could be used to outmaneuver or subdue the colt.”
Buffalo Bills at the New England Patriots
ChatGPT Says: “In a hypothetical scenario where a group of American Revolutionary soldiers encounters a stampeding herd of buffalo, the outcome would be highly unfavorable for the soldiers. Buffalo are large, powerful, and fast-moving animals, weighing thousands of pounds each. In a stampede, they can reach speeds of up to 35 miles per hour (56 km/h) or even faster. Their sheer size and speed make them a formidable force that would be difficult for humans to control or defend against.
In a real-life situation, soldiers from any era would not stand a chance against a stampeding herd of buffalo. The soldiers would need to prioritize their safety and find a way to avoid the path of the stampede rather than engage in a direct confrontation. It’s important to remember that wild animals should be respected and observed from a safe distance to ensure the safety of both humans and the animals involved.”
Washington Commanders at the New York Giants
ChatGPT Says: If we assume that the giant is significantly larger and more powerful than a human, it would have a physical advantage in terms of strength and size. Giants are often depicted as mythical creatures with immense strength and endurance, making them formidable opponents.
On the other hand, an army of commanders implies a group of strategic and tactical experts. If these commanders can work together effectively, plan their attacks, and exploit the giant’s weaknesses, they might stand a chance. They could use guerrilla tactics, traps, or other strategic methods to weaken and eventually defeat the giant.
Atlanta Falcons at the Tampa Bay Buccaneers
ChatGPT Says: “Falconry involves using trained falcons to hunt small game, and falcons are known for their speed, agility, and keen eyesight. In a battle scenario, if the falcons are somehow weaponized or controlled by a skilled falconer, they could pose a threat to the buccaneers, especially if the buccaneers are unprepared to defend against aerial attacks.
Buccaneers, or pirates, were seafaring outlaws who often engaged in piracy and were known for their cunning tactics and combat skills. If the buccaneers are armed with firearms, cannons, swords, or other weapons typical of their era, they could potentially fend off a group of falcons. Pirates were experienced fighters who knew how to defend themselves against various threats.”
Winner: Falcons, if Desmond Ridder gets better at falconry.
Pittsburgh Steelers at the L.A. Rams
ChatGPT Says: “Rams are powerful animals with strong horns, and they can be aggressive when threatened or provoked. If a ram were to attack a person, it could cause serious injury with its sharp horns.
A steelworker, on the other hand, is a human being and does not possess the physical attributes of an animal like a ram. However, humans have intelligence, problem-solving abilities, and the capacity to use tools and weapons.
In a real-life situation, it’s essential for humans to avoid conflicts with animals, including rams. Attempting to fight or harm an animal is not a safe or ethical approach. If a person encounters an aggressive animal, the best course of action is to back away slowly and seek safety.”
Arizona Cardinals at the Seattle Seahawks
ChatGPT Says: “Cardinals are small songbirds, known for their bright red plumage and cheerful songs. They are not predators and do not have the physical adaptations for hunting or fighting.
Ospreys, or seahawks, are large raptors that are excellent hunters. They have sharp talons and beaks, and they primarily feed on fish. Ospreys are skilled hunters and are well-adapted for catching and consuming aquatic prey.
In a hypothetical confrontation between a cardinal and an osprey, the osprey would undoubtedly win.”
Green Bay Packers at the Denver Broncos
ChatGPT Says: “In a hypothetical scenario where a group of factory workers encounters a stampeding herd of broncos (wild or feral horses), the outcome would be extremely dangerous and potentially fatal for the factory workers. Broncos, like other large and powerful animals, can pose a significant threat when stampeding due to their size, speed, and strength.
Stampeding horses are known to be extremely unpredictable and can cause widespread panic and chaos. Attempting to confront or stop a stampeding herd of broncos without proper training, equipment, or expertise would be highly risky and ill-advised.
In real life, when faced with a situation involving stampeding animals, the best course of action is for people, including factory workers, to prioritize their safety by quickly seeking shelter, climbing to a higher vantage point if possible, or moving away from the path of the stampede.”
L.A. Chargers at the Kansas City Chiefs
ChatGPT Says: “Lightning strikes are incredibly powerful and potentially lethal events. When lightning strikes a person, it can cause severe injuries, cardiac arrest, and, in some cases, death. The chances of survival from a direct lightning strike depend on various factors, including the intensity of the strike, the path the electrical current takes through the body, and how quickly the person receives medical attention.
While it’s theoretically possible for anyone, including a Native American chief, to survive a lightning strike, the impact can be devastating and often requires immediate medical attention. It’s crucial for anyone who has been struck by lightning to seek medical help promptly, even if they appear to be fine, as internal injuries and other complications may not be immediately apparent.
It’s important to note that traditional or cultural beliefs, including those associated with Native American communities, should not be used as a substitute for medical treatment in the case of a lightning strike or any other medical emergency.”
Winner: Chargers in an upset
Miami Dolphins at the Philadelphia Eagles
ChatGPT Says: “In a hypothetical scenario where a dolphin and an eagle were somehow forced to interact aggressively, the outcome would likely depend on the environment. In the water, the dolphin would have a significant advantage due to its natural habitat and swimming abilities. Dolphins are fast and agile swimmers, making it difficult for an eagle to effectively attack or capture them in the water.
If the confrontation occurred in the air, the eagle would have the upper hand. Eagles are expert flyers and hunters in the aerial domain, and they could use their sharp talons to potentially harm a dolphin if it was airborne, although this situation is highly unlikely to occur naturally.”
Winner: Eagles, based on location of battle.
San Francisco 49ers at the Minnesota Vikings
ChatGPT Says: “If the miner and the Viking were to engage in a physical confrontation, the Viking, with their training and experience in battle, would likely have the advantage. Vikings were proficient in using weapons like swords, axes, and shields, making them formidable opponents in hand-to-hand combat.
However, it’s important to note that real-life conflicts should be resolved peacefully and with respect for one another. Additionally, stereotyping individuals based on their occupation or historical background is not accurate or fair. In any situation, it’s better to find peaceful resolutions and understanding rather than resorting to violence.”
Winner: Everyone, a tie… for peace.
Week 7 Bye Teams – Carolina Panthers, Cincinnati Bengals, Dallas Cowboys, Houston Texans, New York Jets, and Tennessee Titans
Thank you, Artificial Intelligence and good luck to all the teams this week… except for the Ravens and Packers of course.